Looking Back
by nerd72494
Summary: Rory and Logan have been married for over 4 years. This is their life now and flashbacks of their past. They started out as the happy couple but things have changed. Can they get back to where they were 5 years ago?
1. Prologue

AN: this is the first installment. Let me know what you think. The chapters will get long but this is just to give some of the background. If you have questions let me know. Enjoy!

Rory Gilmore-Huntzburger had just gotten home from a long day at work. She kicked of her heels in the foyer and headed into the kitchen to make coffee. Pedro her coffee machine was who she really wanted to be in a relationship with. He was dependable, responded to her commands promptly, required minimum attention, and most importantly gave her what she need the most. The elixir of life. Rory just wished that Logan was what she needed like he was so long ago.

Now 5 years after she said yes she was questioning her decision. They had been so in love. Truly in marital bliss for years but now at 32 it just wasn't enough. Logan worked and traveled, and frequently slept at the office. Rory would come home from her job as the editor at the New York Times to a big house with no one in it. It was empty and cold just like their marriage. It used to be cozy and warm just like the first few years of their life together.

FLASHBACK( 4 years ago)

I got out of the backseat of the town car. Turning to Frank, I spoke

"Thanks for the ride I need you to be back in 2 and a half hours and remember she can't know where were going." I always spoke to Frank in a kind manner, others would look at me strangely when I spoke to him but over the years I got to know him really well. Frank was the only one Ace and I trusted to drive us these days.

"Of course sir, I'll be waiting at 8:30 for you and Mrs. Hunztburger."

"So Frank where might you be taking us this evening." Rory spoke from the doorstep. I turned my head to see her. The light was coming through the trees and hitting her face. Her skin sparkled and her blue eyes lite up. She was wearing jeans a blue t-shirt and a green cardigan. She had an apron around her waist and a towel over her shoulder.

"Nuh uh uh, Ace that's for you to find out later, now what did you order for dinner." I asked teasing her about her cooking skills. I waved goodbye to Frank and went to kiss my wife. How good that sounded. Rory Gilmore the most amazing woman in the world had chosen me to spend the rest of her life with. I leaned in for a quick kiss as Frank pulled out of the driveway. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I flung her lugs up and carried her into the kitchen honeymoon style.

"Can't you just give me an idea of where were going." I placed Ace back down and she started to move about the kitchen.

"No, you'll enjoy the surprise, right now I want to enjoy a fabulous dinner with my wife." I went up behind her and snaked my hands around her waist and whispered "Trust me you'll love it."

END FLASHBACK

Rory's POV

I remember that weekend like it was yesterday though it feels like lifetimes ago. We were two completely different people then. He took me to the airstrip and we flew to Rome where we had spent our honeymoon a year and a half ago. We stayed at the same hotel in the same suite, and spent the entire time in the hotel. That was before.

Mitchum died that weekend and we had to fly back, and that's when the flip was switched and Logan never really looked at me the same again. He went into work mode. Which I had seen before. Near finals or when he was on a strict deadline. But that would end and he would return to himself. It has been years since I've seen regular Logan but I guess this is it. This is who he is now. I just keep waiting for him to snap out of it and realize how much he and our daughter Leigh love him. Even this form of him.

Logan's POV

I will admit that I've been treating Rory and Leigh differently then before. When we got home from Rome and I took over Rory found out that she was pregnant. Honor was thrilled as she too was expecting with Josh. I was happy that we were having a baby but I guess I was just too concerned with taking over the company and dealing with the press that I never told Rory just how happy I really was.

Flashback (4 years ago)

"Logan I wanted to talk to you about something." Rory looked at me nervously. We had just moved to New York and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I had been on the phone all throughout dinner and we were on dessert which might as well have been the main course.

"Yeah sure," I replied not looking up from my phone. Bill the manager of the West coast was texting me about the Los Angeles paper I was checking in on tomorrow. "What is it Rory." I cringed hearing him calling me that but I knew it was now or never.

"I know we talked about this a long time ago but I, well you see hon, I'm umm, well I'm pregnant." I dropped my head down.

"Wait did you just say what I think you said?"


	2. I Thought it Was Best

Flashback Continues(Rory's POV)

"I know we talked about this a long time ago but I, well you see hon, I'm umm, well I'm pregnant." I dropped my head down.

"Wait did you just say what I think you said?"

"Yeah, I did. Look I know we didn't plan this but a baby is just what we need right now. I mean don't you think having a little kid running around would make everything seem a little bit better."

I was practically pleading with him to be happy about this. He looked confused and betrayed as if he didn't understand what happened. I had always wanted kids and Logan did too, I just guess he just wasn't ready.

"Well I guess were going to be parents then." Logan looked spoke after a long pause, and I lifted my head encouraged by what he said but when I met his eyes a rush of panic coursed through my body. He wasn't really happy. The smile didn't reach his eyes and kept faltering, he couldn't even look me in the eyes. What was I going to do?

End Flashback

"Mommy, is daddy going to come to my recital tomorrow?" I turned to see Leigh's blue eyes looking up at me. I turned the lights back on and walked over to her bedside. She looked just like Logan; if it weren't for the eyes I would question if I had any part in her creation. She had the same color hair and the same face structure as Logan, and of course the Huntzburger smirk but those eyes were definitely mine. I felt like I was staring at myself when I looked at them. Only tonight that was wasn't a good thing as they were filled with sorrow and fear. For a five year old she was incredibly intuitive about her surroundings.

"I don't know Leigh I'll ask him when he gets home. You however need to get some sleep for the big day and rest assured that I'll be there with Grandma no matter what. Okay?" Leigh nodded and put her back down on the pillow. I flicked the lights when I heard the front door unlock.

I walked down the hall to the stairs to see Miranda the housekeeper taking Logan's coat. Logan said something to her I couldn't hear and she thanked him grabbed her stuff and left. Miranda stayed with us during the week but she spent the weekends on her own. Leigh and I would cook and Logan would frequently go into work, but he was always home Friday night.

I walked down the stairs and followed Logan into the kitchen. He turned and kissed my check. "I let Miranda go home, I can make dinner for myself you want anything?"

"No, I had lunch with Constance and Victoria; we had to go over details for the DAR lunch next week. You'll need to come to that since I'm on the board now." I knew he hated parties but I couldn't show up alone anymore.

"Yeah I'll check my schedule," The oven beeped signaling it had reached the desired temperature. He walked away from me to put the leftovers in.

"Logan I need you to be there, you can check in with Bill and the west coast papers another time. You can't keep saying that you'll check your schedule I need you to commit." I was fed dup. He figured that because I worked regular hours I could handle all of our engagements and attend functions and parties, and Leigh's recitals and plays, when the main topic at them was where is Logan.

"I don't know, ok there's a possibility I can make it I just don't want to say yes to just disappoint you later." He was pissed, almost as pissed as I was.

"Well it's already too late." I stormed out of the kitchen and back upstairs. That night he never came upstairs. Friday was the only night we spent in the same bed, and it was a comforting time. The time that assured me that the marriage would last. He would sling his arm across my torso and for the first time that week I would feel safe. We would both fall asleep immediately and awake only to Leigh jumping up and down at the foot of the bed.

Of course Saturday would come and I would have my DAR meeting, but it gave Leigh and Logan a chance to be together. I hated calling in Miranda so I tried to coordinate my schedule with Logan so the weekends were just family time. It hurt when he slept in the den. I know he hates it; his back hurts like hell the next day and he never sleeps well, yet whenever were fighting, no matter how insignificant it is he stays downstairs.

Flashback (3 years ago)

"You know what, fine I don't care anymore, if you relay think that's what's best then go to London for the three weeks but don't expect everything to be fine when you get back, Logan. I mean that's almost a month on my own and then the night you get home you want me to go to a business dinner. Our daughter is 2 years old and I've taken a year off of work and you think I won't want a break when you get home." She wasn't even yelling she spoke as if she was spitting out venom at me with the intent of murder.

That was the first night I slept in the den. I knew she was right. I was a horrible person, a horrible father, and a horrible husband. I just figured the less I was there the less I could disappoint them. That if Rory handled everything Leigh would get used to me not being there and be happy with just her mom. I just didn't want to screw her life up more then it already was. What I didn't realize was that in my desperate attempt to not be like my father I was worse.

My dad had cared in his own sick way. He wanted me to be successful and powerful but happy not exactly on the top of the list in his mind. Laying on the couch I came to the realization that my dad did want me to be happy, he just thought that by being rich and powerful I would be happy. That that was all I needed, I just thought that maybe he was right, and that the right thing to do was to leave them both alone.


	3. The Let Down

Saturday

AN: Thank you to the wonderful people that have been reading and reviewing. I love to hear that you're enjoying the story, and what you think needs work. Sorry about the errors on here earlier. Note that there will be no Logan cheating, but it will get worse before getting better.

Saturday

I was awoken Saturday morning by Leigh slamming the drawers in her room. I rolled over expecting to hit Logan but was met by the cold sheets on the other side of the bed. I pushed back the comforter and headed into the bathroom to wash me face and brush my teeth. I pulled on my robe and headed to her room. To my surprise Logan was already in there.

"What are you looking for sweetie?" Logan and Leigh both looked at me as if I was a cop and they were getting caught.

"Sorry to wake you up mommy, but I don't remember where my tights are, and daddy is helping." She let the shirt she was holding drop onto the floor with the other clothes.

I walked past Logan into her closet and opened one of the drawers and pulled out the two packages of tights I had bought for her yesterday on my way home.

"Here you go sweetie, why don't you put this all away and I'll start breakfast and come back up to help." Leigh nodded, and Logan followed me downstairs and into the kitchen. I took out the waffle iron, and ingredients for waffles and you can't forget the whipped cream. Logan mixed them and poured them into the iron.

"I'm going to see how Leigh is doing with the mess." I put down my coffee and got up.

"Rory, I'm sorry about that, we just were having fun, and I figured since I can't make.." I cut him off the second I heard him say can't.

"What? You can't get her hopes up, she probably thinks your coming, did you tell her that can't make, that your weekend is too filled for your own family, huh? Did you explain that to your five year old daughter? Or do you need to check your schedule and see if you can schedule it in?" I turned away from and walked back up the stairs.

Luckily Logan would be home in time that after Leigh's recital I could drop her off at home and go to my DAR meeting, well I guess not so luckily but at least she wouldn't have to stay with Miranda. I think that was the only lucky part of the day.

"Leigh do you need any help?" I knocked on her door from the hall and when there was no response I walked in. "Sweetie what's wrong?"

Leigh was slumped against her bed clothes still all on the floor, sobbing. I rushed to her side not caring what I stepped on and embraced her tightly. She sobbed into my shirt.

"Daddy can't come, and he didn't tell me." Leigh gasped for air between her crying. She must have heard Logan and I fighting in the kitchen.

The front door unlocked and at first I thought Logan was sneaking out but then I heard my mother call out.

"Mini me's are you home?" Leigh got her crying under control and I yelled to mom that we were upstairs. I heard Logan greet her in a friendly manner and she just responded with a 'hi'.

"Alright who is ready to tap the day away at Ms. Patty's?" Leigh stood up somberly and I handed her what she needed.

Rory's POV

The show was great Leigh did as well as you can expect a five year old tapper to but I was thrilled with the performance anyways. The three of us went to Luke's afterwards and had a nice lunch. I left my mother so I could get Leigh home and head to the DAR meeting.


	4. Needing You

AN: Sorry about the long wait, I was flipping through old documents and I thought I'd start this up again. This is kind of filler but if it goes over well and people seem interested I'll continue.

Logan's POV

"Look I got to go; I'll call you tomorrow from the office," I snapped my phone shut and looked at the entryway to the den to see Leigh clutching her blanket.

"Daddy, why didn't you want to see me dance?" Leigh still stood in the doorway, she didn't move at all. The light from the TV was hitting her cheek and I could tell that she wasn't smiling.

"Leigh, daddy had a lot of work to do so that he could be here and mommy could go to her meeting."

"But daddy all you do is stay in here and work, even when mommy's home" She looked upset now I could tell she was about to cry, she had the same look in her eye as her mother did right before the first tear fell. It broke my heart to see her like that.

Rory's POV

"Guys I'm home." I announced expecting to see Leigh coming down the stairs in her pajamas rubbing her sleepy eyes. I walked further into the dark house, and upstairs. Leigh wasn't in her bed, and I started getting worried. It was nearly eleven o'clock she should have been in bed hours ago. I treaded back downstairs to see where Logan was. I quietly peered through the entrance to the den, and there they both were. Leigh was lying on top of Logan asleep, and he was staring out into the television watching Bloomberg. Crying.

I had never seen him cry before, not once in all these years, never has he ever shed a tear, and here he was sobbing with our daughter sound asleep next to him. I walked in and Logan heard me at this point. He snapped up jostling Leigh a bit. He sniffled and wiped the tears away, as he stood up. Leigh just rolled over and snuggled into the couch's pillows and fell back asleep not even opening her eyes.

"Sorry, I should have put her to bed a while ago, but she came in here upset and I just thought…" I walked over to him and threw my arms around him and kissed him straight on. For the first time in months it wasn't just a peck on the cheek in public, or for show it was because he needed me, as much as I needed him, and for once he was showing it. He did love Leigh I saw it in his eyes, he was just confused and that could be changed. I was worried all this time he really was indifferent but now I knew better, he did love us he just didn't know how to show it.

Logan's POV

I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned into her gently guiding her out of the room where our daughter lay. I shut the door behind us and kissed her deeply, remembering the shape of her mouth, and the taste of her lip-gloss. That night we slept in the same room, and not for show, or so that Leigh stayed unsuspecting, but because we both needed each other and were finally beginning to realize it.


End file.
